I finally decided to get back to blogging again. I have no idea why I didn't write for so long. Not that I'm a great writer, but still writing is something I would like to get myself into on a deeper level. For the last couple of months I have been through a lot of chaos and emptiness. The reason for the same I'm still not aware of. Was it the kind of people I interacted with which sent me into a negative spiral? Or was it something intrinsic which made me go through a phase of dark moods and violent nightmares? I'm still confused. But then I'm feeling a bit better now. I think expressing yourself is in a way healing too. Tired of being hopeless, I have decided to change my outlook and my lifestyle. I'm too young to get depressed and lonely. I need to take ownership of my actions. Thanks to what I have gone through, one thing I learnt was that intoxication never enhances your problem-solving skills. It is just another endless road to misery. I mistook all the people I interacted with to be my friends. I was so naive and immature. Now I'm more careful with people. That is not enough. I need to learn how I can use them for my good if I need to be happy and content in this hostile world. The world you see around is so different from what you were taught in school. Why did they fool us? They should have been frank to us. But then even the schools are very much part of this mean world. So who am I? Why can't I fit in here? Let me wait for some more time. Things are definitely going to get better. Optimism sounds so fake. I better get used to it or else I shall perish. The world expects you to be logical and reasonable. That is how you can fit in and pretend to be happy. Initially it might be difficult to pretend. Slowly you get used to it, like an actor getting used to the mask he wears. And finally you start believing it to be real. That is the end of your misery. Welcome to this plastic paradise. kill your emotions, kill it till you feel numb all over. Remember you can't be happy if you get involved with the miseries of this world. Always stay away from that which doesn't affect you. Don't let the scriptures and the wise men mislead you. Scriptures are outdated and the wise men are too old to lead you. Too old to understand that man is not what he is but what he has. One of those practical and ruthless facts you need to believe in if you intend to survive here.